A great many people lately have basically woken up to a frightening financial reality - debt, loss, and even poverty. Whether we're talking about all the people who lost a big chunk of their life savings in the financial meltdown or the Madoff scam, or people sitting in upside-down depreciating properties, or those who have lost their jobs, or those who, like us, have graduated to find themselves owing 10 times their current earning power in student loans, the mode of the day, money-wise, seems to be 'help!!!'

The main reactions we usually have, after facing a hellish circumstance of our own creating, are either some form of defensive denial or self-criticizing regret. Now, plenty of people sternly talk about "taking responsibility", which is apt and necessary. But I don't care to advance that rhetoric for a few reasons. One, a lot of discourse along those lines exists already, and I don't see that the crowd of indebted people need to hear yet another scolding voice, unless it is accompanied by real, workable aid. Two, many people rely too much on that catch phrase to justify the excesses of those wealthier, more powerful institutions whose policies have brought about the misery that many experience, those average folks 'responsible' for unwise actions who simply have been trying to do the best they could with what few options or knowledge they had. Three, it's the folks in the La La Land of Self Denial who most can benefit from a strong dose of "take responsibility" - trust me, I know a few - but those folks would NEVER spend time reading a site like this. Most of those interacting with this site are ONLY TOO AWARE that they made mistakes, and are therefore mostly filled with some criticism or regret.

So, for those people, I just want to say, "stop kicking yourself!" No more hindsight, no more regret, no more blame. Here are a few reasons why:

1) we are all works in progress - alas, we are all too human, and each one of us in on a different journey. Some are awful at math but brilliant at art, or some people are naturally social but hopeless at balancing checkbooks. Some people are fundamentally slackers, but have beautiful personal relationships and an easy charm that a go-getter, successful, but lonelier type-A person would kill for. So maybe you didn't have it in you to handle money properly. It's OK - think about all the other good things you have done for yourself and others, in other areas of human existence - from personal relationships to spirituality - and vow to do your best from now on.

2) you did the best with what you had when you had it - this includes information as well as finances, this includes whatever money you may have had or not had at the moment you took on the student debt, your culture, whatever money attitudes your family bequeathed to you - it even includes the geographic location and the generation you happened to be born into. And yes, it also includes your age, and any attendant immaturity. All of these things affected what you did with your money and why. Many people, in fact, thought they were doing the right thing, because endless salespeople and advisors told them so. Others, even as they were accumulating debt, had that inner conscience gnawing at them. But, looking back on those times, could anything, save a total brain transplant, have made your decisions at all different ?

3) you were busy with other things - some of you had to work to get through school, some of you had to deal with kids or sickly parents or a health condition. Some of you struggled so much with academics that you had little time to worry about the ramifications of credit card debt or student loans. Some of you simply had other priorities - volunteering, traveling, or even building human relationships through an active social life. Whatever the reason, you did not willfully, most likely, decide to be cavalier about your finances - most likely life simply got in the way. Ok, so now those things are either played out, or don't seem important - financial stability is now important. That's fine. So now you give up those things and focus on money. No need to look back and belittle the things that seemed important back then - they've made you who you are today.

4) you were had - this fits into "doing the best you could", but deserves its own category. Some of you were simply given crappy information, and forced to make decisions with bad data. From the well-meaning high school counselor who extols the virtues of a possibly inappropriate small liberal arts college, to a family where a money savvy attitude was not present, to those awful credit card hawkers pushing their wares on naive students, many of us simply did not have the right information to make the most informed decisions. Student loans, credit card debt - most of us would not have touched these had we known. So of course we were bound to fall.

If you have been kicking yourself over your present pass, just remember - you did not wilfully seek a destructive path, you did the best with what you had, and now you know better. And, now that you've stopped kicking yourself, you can more easily get back to the business of moving forward from now on.